Of course you love to see your partner. But after a while, romance gives way to routine. Certain habits contribute to this. Do you want to keep that romance? Then stop with these bad habits right away.
A lack of enthusiasm
Nothing is better than an enthusiastic partner who is genuinely happy with the small successes we achieve. How we respond to that makes a big difference to the long-term success of our relationship. Relationship expert John Gottman conducted a study in which he looked at 130 newlywed couples’ reactions when one of them caught the other’s attention through small interactions (e.g. look what a beautiful bird). These kinds of interactions happen all the time, and the response to them is many. Thus, a partner can be enthusiastic respond and confirm, just turn away or respond briefly: ‘I am now busy with other things’. Those little interactions may not seem important, but they are. Because when Gottman did a follow-up 6 years later, it turned out that only 33% of the divorced people were the ones who responded enthusiastically and confirmed. 87% of those who had the same reaction were still happy together. Are you ever negative towards your partner or do you regularly ignore him? Then you better stop immediately!
Being too materialistic
Are you and your partner always saving for an expensive new car or that expensive designer sofa? It could be a bad sign. In 2011 a study was published in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy. That study surveyed 1,700 couples about their relationship and their spending. What turned out? There was a clear relationship between materialism and unhappy marriages. Those who were much more materialistic were less happy in their marriages. Even if those materialistic goals were common.
Disagreement about joint household chores
It is well known that household chores can be a serious source of frustration in a marriage. It is remarkable how quickly a toilet seat that stays up or dishes in the sink can lead to serious arguments. In fact, a 2007 study found that a good distribution of household tasks is in the top 3 indicators of a good marriage (along with loyalty and good sex). Remarkable: it is not so much about who performs those tasks, but about a good system that works for both marriage partners. So talk to each other and together ensure a good system in which tasks are divided. It will save you misery.
Spending too much time on your phone
Just check WhatsApp, quickly like a photo on Instagram and then see what is happening on Facebook. We are addicted to our smartphone. Recognizable? Not only is it tiring for you, but your relationship suffers as well. Admit it, nothing more annoying than a partner who casually scrolls on his smartphone during a conversation. There is even more, because it can blow the intimacy out of your relationship. Just last year, a study was published in Psychology of Popular Media Culture, which found that a smartphone is often considered ‘the third wheel’ of the relationship is seen. 75% of the female participants indicated that it significantly reduces time together. A quarter of women said they were upset when their partner sent text messages during an important conversation.
You know that a lack of sleep is dangerous for your health. But a 2013 study conducted by the University of California found that there is a link between insufficient sleep and a lack of appreciation and gratitude among couples in a long-term relationship. More than 60 couples had to perform problem-solving tasks, keep sleep diaries, and record how they rated their partner. Partners who had slept poorly were more likely to call their partner selfish. Moreover, they themselves feel less appreciated if they themselves slept poorly or their partner had slept poorly. An extra reason to make time for a good one night’s rest.